Grief #2

There are many life's situations within which one grieves. Everyone grieves differently. No instructional manuals could provide you with the directions you need to take. There are many traveling on different paths, you will have to rely on your own personal guidance system. It's not easy to choose the one which is best for your soul's growth.

For some, the first introduction to grief maybe the death of a pet, or an animal in the park.

It's somewhat a gentle experience of loss and an opportunity for the integration of the concept of death into one's mind. It brings about an opportunity to ask questions and establish a belief system to be carried forward until one is able to find one's own answers.

It's not just a death of a loved one that triggers grief. It is grieving the end of a relationship, a job, losing a home, one's youth, or an opportunity to do what one desires in life. They are all losses and leave an emotional imprint in the mind and soul.

The choice of how to deal with the loss is a crucial decision which would lead one down many different paths. Each requiring more lessons before getting on the right road to one's intended learning in this life time.

Loss of any kind can be challenging to deal with. Our past conditioning and family beliefs and values have great influence on our own reactions and coping abilities. Our religious beliefs certainly play a big role. Humanity and society as a whole used relatively similar approaches for decades; the attitude to death hasn't changed much.

More people have been foregoing the big funerals, expensive coffins - decisions made riddled with guilt; many are choosing cremation instead, unique personal boxes or vases and a simple family gathering - a celebration of life. Refusing to be ruled by established behavior, beliefs and traditions.

The whole idea of change could be very frightening and difficult to implement. New beliefs and behaviors are especially not easy to integrate into one's life. Humanity appears stuck in a paradigm of suffering. One thing for sure, is that grief brings about a lot of sorrow, pain , guilt and suffering.

Either not having a last opportunity to say "Goodbye" or not wanting to say what you should have said, for fear you would, in some strange way, be responsible for creating the unbearable. The pain of dealing with unresolved issues after the passing is a difficult process and may take years to fully heal.

Frightened by the belief that the end of the body is the end of self, one grieves for loved ones and for one self. We are told not to make any rash decisions for two years, because one is not able to think clearly and logically. This is wise advice. It could sometimes be a very long and painful process to move on with one's life.

The body dies, but the spirit that transcends it cannot be touched by death.

Ramana Maharshi

GRIEF #1

There are many opportunities to travel down this path, as we journey through life. The choices we make while dealing with our sorrow, determines the road we must travel. Until, once more, a major life event brings us to another intersection. There - we pause and choose again!

I was not a stranger to grief. Over the years I had lost many family members along with a number of friends. The funeral home was starting to be too uncomfortably familiar.

At that time in my life, there was the necessity of having to continue with day to day issues; I didn't have the time to dwell on the loss, nor did I have the desire to search more deeply into the mysteries of life and death. It wasn't until I lost my husband of 40 years, to a boating accident, that I desperately wanted to heal not only the pain of my loss, but also the pain of life.

The weight of the intense pain in my chest was relentlessly suffocating. I searched for anything that could give me some relief, not really finding any adequate answers or even temporary solutions that could lessen the pain. One day, a documentary on the television- a PBS channel - interrupted my constant crying ; I sat quietly for two hours listening to Wayne Dyer's words "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change". I desperately wanted to change the things I was looking at, which was complete heart-break and despair.

I decided to search for some direction and relief from all the emotional turmoil. I connected with a Hospice and Palliative Care Group. They initially would phone me and listen while I tried to spill out my inner pain. I also attended group meetings, where suggestions were given as how to redefine oneself, having lost a loved one - either by death or divorce. How to move forward in the next phase of one's life.

Being together with "like minded people" in similar situations was very supportive. It was comforting to know I wasn't the only one experiencing similar feelings and issues. For a lot of those that attended, it was very helpful, and I would certainly recommend getting in touch with such groups that may be available in your community.

Always being a bit of a loner, I found walking very beneficial, listening to audio books on my mp3 player as I walked long distances, still looking for answers.

What really served my soul was volunteering. To be of service to others, drew my mind away from self and focused on others. My life felt worthwhile again, contentment found its place back in my heart as I drove home in peace.

"Holiness created me holy.

Kindness created me kind.

Helpfulness created me helpful.

Perfection created me perfect.

(ACIM p1.W.67.2:3-6)

"A Course in Miracles"

"This course is a beginning, not an end. Your Friend (Jesus) goes with you. You are not alone. No one who calls on Him can call in vain. Whatever troubles you, be certain that He has the answer, and will gladly give it to you, if you simply turn to Him and ask it of Him.

He will not withhold all answers that you need for anything that seems to trouble you.

He knows the way to solve all problems, and resolve all doubts. His certainty is yours. You need but ask it of Him, and it will be given you." (E-1)

Shortly after my Husband's death, I set out on a mission of discovering what this insane world was all about, how we got into this reality and how we can get out of it.

A book, accidentally on purpose, literally fell onto my lap, a book called, "A Course in Miracles". This happening was the beginning of a massive transition of my thought system, firmly placing me on the path Home. The circumstances and timing of my husband's death was his greatest gift of love to me. This book was divinely gifted, with the purpose of awakening my mind.

The following is a short introduction, a background of the book's creation and contents:

A sudden decision was made between two people to join in on a common goal. One of which was to unite a strained professional relationship between Helen Schuman and William Thetford, Professors of Medical Psychology at Columbia University, in New York city.

Both were anything but spiritual.

"The head of the department announced that he was tired of the angry and aggressive feelings and attitudes reflected and concluded that there must be another way."

As if on cue, Helen, agreed to help him find it. Apparently this course was the other way. This intention was the "little willingness" required by Spirit to enable Him to use any situation for His purposes and provide it with His power.

Helen began to write in a diary, she recorded highly symbolic dreams and images that were coming to her. One day, she was surprised to find the words written: "This is a Course in Miracles." This was the introduction to the "Voice".

Without any sound, a kind of rapid, inner dictation was written down in a shorthand notebook. The writing was never automatic. "It could be interrupted at any time and later picked up again." It seemed to be a special assignment which she agreed to complete.

Bill supported and encouraged the recording of this Voice. She would take down what the Voice "said" and read it to him the next day, and he typed it from her dictation.

The whole process took about seven years.

Thus a book was created, 669-page Text, a 488 page Workbook for Students, and a 92-page Manual for Teachers.

At the beginning of the dictation Helen was given an explanation for what was happening. She was told that there was a "celestial speed-up.'

'The world was in pretty bad shape,' Jesus told her, which is obvious to anybody who looks around. This was in the mid-1960's and the world seems to be in even worse shape now.

The purpose of all this is to aid in changing people's minds about the nature of the world.

This book was divinely orchestrated, dictated, and transcribed word for word, for a world badly in need of Divine Intervention.

What the Book says:

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God.

This is one quote regarding fear.

"Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists,

Then there is not perfect love.

But:

Only perfect love exists.

If there is fear,

It produces a state that does not exist. Believe this you will be free. Only God can establish this solution, and this faith is His gift."

(T-1.VI.5:4-10)

This book does not demand, inflict nor advocate pain of any kind.

Through knowledge, it encourages forgiveness, reconnecting with unconditional love and eternal peace.